It's About More Than Dieting

Submitted by L_ANSARI on Mon, 09/11/2006 - 4:42pm.

Day 41
September 10, 2007

The fact is this is about more than my disappointment to my body’s response to a diet plan. This is about my battle with aging. Frankly, I am not taking it well. I wonder if it is normal sometimes, the way I expect myself to look and feel like I did when I was 25 (or, I am embarrassed to say, younger). Does anyone else feel this way? It never ceases to surprise me when I attempt something I did regularly in my youth and I can’t do it or I am a wreck the next day. It doesn’t matter much what it is. Sometimes it’s just a little thing. My balance for example. I could easily perform simple gymnastic feats in college. For example, I could be just messing around and almost pull myself up into a handstand on the banister of a staircase. It was easy. Just messing around. Now I practically fall over standing in the grocery store looking at a box of cereal. To be honest, sometimes I do fall over. What is that?!?! A few months ago I got on the swing next to my son. I pumped my legs to go faster in an attempt to gain enough momentum to jump off, something I used to love to do as a kid. But after a few times swinging back and forth, I got so dizzy and nauseous I had to stop.

Age. I hate aging. My frustrations and bewilderment are tied to more than this diet. I am fighting with accepting aging. I think this is the issue that fuels my obsessive exercising and negative body view. Weight loss and toning are not going to give me the exact same results as they did when I was younger. I will look better, no doubt, but I will not look the same. Somehow I need to come to terms with my age. This is by far my greatest hurdle to overcome.