Good Feeling Gone

Submitted by L_ANSARI on Tue, 09/19/2006 - 6:52pm.

Day 49
September 18, 2006

I weighed myself this morning and my mood plummeted. I gained two pounds. Two! From where? I have followed the diet exactly. That alone put me in kind of a foul mood all day long. I worked out but concentrated on weight machines and then a good hour of fat burning on the treadmill. I really don’t understand and it totally deflated my ego. I’m stumbling a little in my confidence.

I tried to continue on with my day without thinking about it, but it kept popping up and souring my mood. I met a friend later to brainstorm some story ideas (we’re both writers) and told her about my defeat over a delicious meal of ice water and coffee. Yee-haw. As always she was the voice of reason. First of all she expressed shock and horror at the fact that I weigh myself every day. Her eyebrows flew up and she shook her head vigorously, “No, no you cannot weigh yourself everyday. Once a week. That’s it. Otherwise you’ll drive yourself crazy.”

The crazy part is true. I have become way, way obsessive about this.
She added, “besides, you can go up and down a few pounds all the time. It’s common.”
I didn’t know this. It never occurred to me your weight could fluctuate within a few pounds day to day without me making any major eating changes. That calmed me down a bit. But I still am deeply resentful toward my body. I feel betrayed, like at least I should remain the same or something. But not go up. What have I done to GAIN weight?? Nothing, that’s what. But I need to summon all my willpower and look at this as a new eating regime for the long haul. Boy, was that hard to remember when Noah asked for nachos and I sat there feeling him one after another.

I have to admit though, focusing on an activity like meeting a writing group to discuss our own stories or works we are reading does help keep one’s mind off food and motivating on producing, creating and expressing. It did work for today. It is very late now, technically morning and I am going to put myself to sleep and try to wipe the slate clean for now. Tomorrow is a new day.