Body Obsession

Submitted by L_ANSARI on Thu, 10/19/2006 - 7:49pm.

October 19,2006
Day 81

The impulse to shop has left me a broken woman, literally. I was walking around a very cute part of town and happened to stop by a shoe store which sells cute and very pricey footwear. On this particular day (a day that will go down in history as the day I found the perfect boot, a day that will become something of a holiday for me) I found and purchased the perfect boot for a very cheap price. Yea for me. But somehow my body decided to punish me for my whimsical and somewhat careless attitude toward money by sending stabbing pain through my leg. Yes, I am drawing a correlation between these two completely unrelated events. I just barely hobbled back to the car. Since this incident two days ago I have been racked with pain in my upper thigh, lower back. It’s weird. But worse, it is interrupting my daily exercise routine. Hell, it’s ruining my time with my son, social get togethers and errands like a simple outing to the grocery store. I weighed myself yesterday and it seems to be ruining my diet as well. If I can’t burn off the calories I eat, I may not be able to maintain my weight even if I stick to the JC meals.

This focus on the minute changes in my weight bothers me. I spoke to my inspirational friend the other day about and she agreed that being on a diet, any diet, seems to put food at the forefront of the mind. Even she, who has enjoyed huge success from Jenny Craig, said that she focuses more on food now, then she ever did before the diet. I wonder about this. It is definitely an obsession for me. I know it can’t be healthy. I am so aware of even miniscule changes in not only my weight but also in the tone of my body. Even a day without exercise makes me slightly jumpy and anxious, a feeling I can only mollify with a long workout session the next day. I hope that there will come a day, perhaps after I have successfully transitioned back into everyday food and have maintained my weight for a while, when I won’t be so sensitive to every little thing I put in my mouth.